Afterthought [NaPoWriMo Day 11]

I picked up the phone again, and put it down. The thoughts in my head run wild, and I blame myself for thinking too much, feeling too much, not shutting you out, like you seem to do so easily.

I’ve been waiting and wondering for a while now, because it’s too hard to let things go. But it’s just as hard to hold on. As much as I wanted to make you a part of my life, I’ve learnt to be happy by myself.

So I put the phone down, just to see how much of an afterthought I am. To see if you think about me, without needing a nudge, though this may very well be one. I put my phone down, and walk away.

 

Be still, my beating heart [NaPoWriMo Day 7]

Be still, my beating heart.
Be still.
I would tell myself over and over,
With one look from you, my face
Would turn into a whirlwind of emotions.
Flushed cheeks, trying hard to fight that smile,
Creeping up on me from nowhere.
One smile, and I could feel my stomach
Somersault down to my feet.
A million butterflies taking flight,
Lifting my spirits higher
Than I’d ever known them to go.
Be still, my beating heart.
Be still.

Memories of my first, loved and lost.
You’re still etched in my heart somewhere,
But I’ve found ways to think of you and smile.
I’ve come a long way since you knew me.
I write, but my words are no longer for you.
I wonder what would surprise you the most,
If you saw me now, the person I’ve become.
I don’t keep my feelings bottled up anymore,
I talk, and I cry, I speak up when it hurts.
I’ve realized that love is fragile, but heartbreaks heal.
I don’t let my life revolve around one person,
Because there’s so much to see, so much to do.
I try to be complete all on my own.
For teaching me this, and a lot more, thank you.
My world didn’t come crumbling down,
Like I thought it would, without you.
I found love again, and you did too.

My thoughts still wander back to you,
Sometimes, unintentionally.
And I let them, there’s no pain anymore.
You’re just some filled pages in my diary,
Pages filled with pure love, before I knew
Of the pain in the real world.
Just pages, saying over and over,
Be still, my beating heart.
Be still.

Unspoken [NaPoWriMo Day 6]

You found me all those years ago,
When we were both broken.
I had my walls up, like I do with everyone.
I hid all the damage behind a tiny smile,
Hoping one day, these pretenses
Would become my truth.
So I smiled at you, and you smiled back.
A smile that I knew all too well.
A smile that was meant to suppress
All those feeling that wanted to come
Flooding out of you.
And my bruised soul, found yours.

You took me apart, layer by layer,
Teaching me to embrace the insecurities
That hid behind my veil of laughter;
To not shove the past away, but to
find light in all the darkness;
To find my strength, and my voice.
There were no pretenses anymore,
Just me, strong and resolute.

Our broken hearts mended each other,
And then each found its own way.
All those years ago, I didn’t thank you,
Not enough. But today, I hope my heart
Can find yours again, to let you know
that your short, ‘insignificant’ life,
Was a big part of mine.

Bottled Sunshine [NaPoWriMo Day 4]

If I could capture the essence of the good, fleeting moments
I would grab them tight, with both my hands
Carefully plucking out all my feelings of love and joy
Stirred together, and I would bottle it up
I would keep it safe, for the days
When all hope seems bleak, all love lost
When my heart has a gaping void
With the longing to feel something, anything
I would keep it safe, and on the bad days
I would take a little sip
I wonder what it would feel like
To have sunshine run through my veins
Warm my heart, slowly at first
And suddenly explode, invigorating every cell in my body
‘This is what it felt like to be happy’
It would tingle a little, on the tip of my tongue
It would taste like love, and smell like home
And it would burn, a raging flame of hope
Reminding me that I’m alive, a burning hot mess
Each sip, would seek out a memory, buried deep within
The friendship, love and laughter
And I would relive it all, till my heart is strong enough
To go and make some more

Forgiveness [NaPoWriMo Day 2]

I only see you through photographs
Beautiful and majestic
But in a land, distant
Your cries for help fall short
Maybe the ocean drowns them
Swallowing them whole
Like it did, your home

You see, I was only a child
When I learnt to turn a blind eye
To the suffering I couldn’t see
Unaware that the consequences
Of my actions couldn’t see borders
They could fly across the land
And swim across the seas
Taking from you
Everything you’ve known
Your food, your home, your life

All I do now is hope
With every fiber of my being
That you don’t leave
Like many before you
Who have stained my hands crimson

Here I stand, heart heavy from what I can’t undo,
Will you forgive me for the ways I have wronged you?

 


Disclaimer: Featured image photographed by Paul Nicklen. I claim no copyright on the image, and no copyright violations were intended. 

The Divide

Separated from you by a border,

I wonder if you feel what I feel.

I wonder if you cringe at the words

‘War’, ‘Attack’, being thrown around lightly

Like they mean nothing.

As the world around us burns to the ground,

You only know what your people tell you,

And I only know what mine tell me.

My people, your people.

Does that even matter anymore?

We’re all just human beings,

Caught in the crossfire of hate.

Being fed big, bold headlines,

With a coffee on the side,

Tainted with cynicism.

When do we stop,

Paying for the crimes we didn’t commit,

Suffering for the sins that weren’t our own?

Ignorance is bliss, they say.

Ignorance, that you’re just like me,

Dazed and confused,

Wondering what the world is coming to.

I don’t know you, but I wish I did.

I wish I did so that I could understand,

What it is like, on the other side,

Of this divide, created and guarded by us.

I wish I could reach across the words,

Twisted and turned, the truth lost in there somewhere,

Molded into a new reality.

The reality which has divided us in two,

Which stops us from joining hands,

Against the beast that terrorizes us both.

As I sit writing this, in the comfort of my house,

And you read this in the safety of yours,

I wish we could see the people stuck in the middle,

Under siege,  terrified for what lies in their fate.

The little kids count days, till they can go back to school,

Till they can run outside the house, and play,

Because that’s what kids are supposed to do.

Instead, they cower in their house,

Waiting for another day to pass them by.

I wish I knew them, so that I could understand,

The pain of losing someone I grew up with,

The horror of people around me being blown to bits,

And the blind faith, with which I would close my eyes

Unsure if I would ever wake up.

 

I wonder if you feel the same,

Loathe the mess that we’ve created,

Struggling to clean it up.

Separated from you by a border,

I wonder if you feel what I feel.

If you look at people as people,

And wonder if everyone does the same.