Love Letter [NaPoWriMo Day 12]

I stand in front of the mirror,
Taking it all in.
My hair is a mess, rough and entangled
But it falls perfectly around my face.
I run my hands across the bruises, which
Keep mysteriously appearing on my body
Because I fall often, but don’t learn.
Some of the bruises are tender when I touch them,
But I know they’ll heal, like they always do.
My eyes seem to hold a spirit, beaten down,
Because my ideas are too impractical, too ideal.
Because the world will never be at peace,
And that means that I won’t either.
But in the darkness of my eyes, I still see
A tiny sliver of hope, fighting to hold on.
There’s a constant battle going on in my head,
Because I’m cursed with being able to see,
Both sides in a fight, and it’s painful to choose.
It doesn’t show on my face, in my smile,
Which still manages to grace me,
Despite the battle going on underneath.

I stand in front of the mirror,
Taking it all in.
And with every passing minute,
I fall deeper in love
With myself.

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Afterthought [NaPoWriMo Day 11]

I picked up the phone again, and put it down. The thoughts in my head run wild, and I blame myself for thinking too much, feeling too much, not shutting you out, like you seem to do so easily.

I’ve been waiting and wondering for a while now, because it’s too hard to let things go. But it’s just as hard to hold on. As much as I wanted to make you a part of my life, I’ve learnt to be happy by myself.

So I put the phone down, just to see how much of an afterthought I am. To see if you think about me, without needing a nudge, though this may very well be one. I put my phone down, and walk away.

 

Be still, my beating heart [NaPoWriMo Day 7]

Be still, my beating heart.
Be still.
I would tell myself over and over,
With one look from you, my face
Would turn into a whirlwind of emotions.
Flushed cheeks, trying hard to fight that smile,
Creeping up on me from nowhere.
One smile, and I could feel my stomach
Somersault down to my feet.
A million butterflies taking flight,
Lifting my spirits higher
Than I’d ever known them to go.
Be still, my beating heart.
Be still.

Memories of my first, loved and lost.
You’re still etched in my heart somewhere,
But I’ve found ways to think of you and smile.
I’ve come a long way since you knew me.
I write, but my words are no longer for you.
I wonder what would surprise you the most,
If you saw me now, the person I’ve become.
I don’t keep my feelings bottled up anymore,
I talk, and I cry, I speak up when it hurts.
I’ve realized that love is fragile, but heartbreaks heal.
I don’t let my life revolve around one person,
Because there’s so much to see, so much to do.
I try to be complete all on my own.
For teaching me this, and a lot more, thank you.
My world didn’t come crumbling down,
Like I thought it would, without you.
I found love again, and you did too.

My thoughts still wander back to you,
Sometimes, unintentionally.
And I let them, there’s no pain anymore.
You’re just some filled pages in my diary,
Pages filled with pure love, before I knew
Of the pain in the real world.
Just pages, saying over and over,
Be still, my beating heart.
Be still.

Bottled Sunshine [NaPoWriMo Day 4]

If I could capture the essence of the good, fleeting moments
I would grab them tight, with both my hands
Carefully plucking out all my feelings of love and joy
Stirred together, and I would bottle it up
I would keep it safe, for the days
When all hope seems bleak, all love lost
When my heart has a gaping void
With the longing to feel something, anything
I would keep it safe, and on the bad days
I would take a little sip
I wonder what it would feel like
To have sunshine run through my veins
Warm my heart, slowly at first
And suddenly explode, invigorating every cell in my body
‘This is what it felt like to be happy’
It would tingle a little, on the tip of my tongue
It would taste like love, and smell like home
And it would burn, a raging flame of hope
Reminding me that I’m alive, a burning hot mess
Each sip, would seek out a memory, buried deep within
The friendship, love and laughter
And I would relive it all, till my heart is strong enough
To go and make some more

The Retreat

Once again
You retreat into
The walls you put up
To keep people out
Or is it to keep
Yourself in?

Once again
I see the light
Dwindle in your eyes
As your face
Turns to stone

The more I try
To break your walls
The more
You push me away

So I retreat
Away from your walls
Waiting, hopeful
That once again
The light will return
That this won’t be the time
You lock yourself up
Forever