Love Letter [NaPoWriMo Day 12]

I stand in front of the mirror,
Taking it all in.
My hair is a mess, rough and entangled
But it falls perfectly around my face.
I run my hands across the bruises, which
Keep mysteriously appearing on my body
Because I fall often, but don’t learn.
Some of the bruises are tender when I touch them,
But I know they’ll heal, like they always do.
My eyes seem to hold a spirit, beaten down,
Because my ideas are too impractical, too ideal.
Because the world will never be at peace,
And that means that I won’t either.
But in the darkness of my eyes, I still see
A tiny sliver of hope, fighting to hold on.
There’s a constant battle going on in my head,
Because I’m cursed with being able to see,
Both sides in a fight, and it’s painful to choose.
It doesn’t show on my face, in my smile,
Which still manages to grace me,
Despite the battle going on underneath.

I stand in front of the mirror,
Taking it all in.
And with every passing minute,
I fall deeper in love
With myself.

Be still, my beating heart [NaPoWriMo Day 7]

Be still, my beating heart.
Be still.
I would tell myself over and over,
With one look from you, my face
Would turn into a whirlwind of emotions.
Flushed cheeks, trying hard to fight that smile,
Creeping up on me from nowhere.
One smile, and I could feel my stomach
Somersault down to my feet.
A million butterflies taking flight,
Lifting my spirits higher
Than I’d ever known them to go.
Be still, my beating heart.
Be still.

Memories of my first, loved and lost.
You’re still etched in my heart somewhere,
But I’ve found ways to think of you and smile.
I’ve come a long way since you knew me.
I write, but my words are no longer for you.
I wonder what would surprise you the most,
If you saw me now, the person I’ve become.
I don’t keep my feelings bottled up anymore,
I talk, and I cry, I speak up when it hurts.
I’ve realized that love is fragile, but heartbreaks heal.
I don’t let my life revolve around one person,
Because there’s so much to see, so much to do.
I try to be complete all on my own.
For teaching me this, and a lot more, thank you.
My world didn’t come crumbling down,
Like I thought it would, without you.
I found love again, and you did too.

My thoughts still wander back to you,
Sometimes, unintentionally.
And I let them, there’s no pain anymore.
You’re just some filled pages in my diary,
Pages filled with pure love, before I knew
Of the pain in the real world.
Just pages, saying over and over,
Be still, my beating heart.
Be still.

Unspoken [NaPoWriMo Day 6]

You found me all those years ago,
When we were both broken.
I had my walls up, like I do with everyone.
I hid all the damage behind a tiny smile,
Hoping one day, these pretenses
Would become my truth.
So I smiled at you, and you smiled back.
A smile that I knew all too well.
A smile that was meant to suppress
All those feeling that wanted to come
Flooding out of you.
And my bruised soul, found yours.

You took me apart, layer by layer,
Teaching me to embrace the insecurities
That hid behind my veil of laughter;
To not shove the past away, but to
find light in all the darkness;
To find my strength, and my voice.
There were no pretenses anymore,
Just me, strong and resolute.

Our broken hearts mended each other,
And then each found its own way.
All those years ago, I didn’t thank you,
Not enough. But today, I hope my heart
Can find yours again, to let you know
that your short, ‘insignificant’ life,
Was a big part of mine.

Forgiveness [NaPoWriMo Day 2]

I only see you through photographs
Beautiful and majestic
But in a land, distant
Your cries for help fall short
Maybe the ocean drowns them
Swallowing them whole
Like it did, your home

You see, I was only a child
When I learnt to turn a blind eye
To the suffering I couldn’t see
Unaware that the consequences
Of my actions couldn’t see borders
They could fly across the land
And swim across the seas
Taking from you
Everything you’ve known
Your food, your home, your life

All I do now is hope
With every fiber of my being
That you don’t leave
Like many before you
Who have stained my hands crimson

Here I stand, heart heavy from what I can’t undo,
Will you forgive me for the ways I have wronged you?

 


Disclaimer: Featured image photographed by Paul Nicklen. I claim no copyright on the image, and no copyright violations were intended. 

Hurt [NaPoWriMo Day 1]

I find myself alone again,
And my heart is free to feel,
The pain and the hurt.
There are memories sometimes,
And on others, just thoughts,
Thoughts and tales that my mind spins,
Because I’m a dreamer,
And sometimes I dream of sorrow.
I can feel it course through me,
Like an unstoppable tide.
It engulfs me whole,
And I feel that the world,
Will never be okay again.
But I’ve been here before,
Broken.

Don’t tell me to be brave.
Don’t tell me I’m weak.
Say it’s okay to hurt,
And let my heart heal,
In my cocoon of pain,
Till I emerge,
Stronger.

The Divide

Separated from you by a border,

I wonder if you feel what I feel.

I wonder if you cringe at the words

‘War’, ‘Attack’, being thrown around lightly

Like they mean nothing.

As the world around us burns to the ground,

You only know what your people tell you,

And I only know what mine tell me.

My people, your people.

Does that even matter anymore?

We’re all just human beings,

Caught in the crossfire of hate.

Being fed big, bold headlines,

With a coffee on the side,

Tainted with cynicism.

When do we stop,

Paying for the crimes we didn’t commit,

Suffering for the sins that weren’t our own?

Ignorance is bliss, they say.

Ignorance, that you’re just like me,

Dazed and confused,

Wondering what the world is coming to.

I don’t know you, but I wish I did.

I wish I did so that I could understand,

What it is like, on the other side,

Of this divide, created and guarded by us.

I wish I could reach across the words,

Twisted and turned, the truth lost in there somewhere,

Molded into a new reality.

The reality which has divided us in two,

Which stops us from joining hands,

Against the beast that terrorizes us both.

As I sit writing this, in the comfort of my house,

And you read this in the safety of yours,

I wish we could see the people stuck in the middle,

Under siege,  terrified for what lies in their fate.

The little kids count days, till they can go back to school,

Till they can run outside the house, and play,

Because that’s what kids are supposed to do.

Instead, they cower in their house,

Waiting for another day to pass them by.

I wish I knew them, so that I could understand,

The pain of losing someone I grew up with,

The horror of people around me being blown to bits,

And the blind faith, with which I would close my eyes

Unsure if I would ever wake up.

 

I wonder if you feel the same,

Loathe the mess that we’ve created,

Struggling to clean it up.

Separated from you by a border,

I wonder if you feel what I feel.

If you look at people as people,

And wonder if everyone does the same.

Fighter

You can’t point to a moment, an hour, or a day,

‘This is where it happened. It broke me’.

Because you, you were a fighter,

And it was never just a moment.

It was all those hours you spent crying.

It was all those nights you couldn’t sleep.

It was all those days that cut your heart open enough,

For your words to make art.

You were a fighter, wounded, fighting with yourself.

And in that moment, all you broke were your chains.

You deserve the sun, and the stars and let no one

Tell you otherwise.

You deserve to be wild and free,

To fly and to dream.

You deserve to live, and not exist.

Be brave! Be strong!

You have yet to kiss the world.

You have yet to change lives.

And you have yet to live for yourself.

Because you are a fighter, and now you fight for yourself.